Least Watched Most Viewed Talk Show in History

Written by Kenneth Preus

Nick Hoffman (Jess Thorpe) - Nick is appearing in this production under circumstances that are, at best, legally ambiguous. Several months ago, director Josh Smith happened upon Nick in a rain-soaked alley behind an abandoned mattress warehouse at approximately 2:17 a.m. What Josh saw that night remains known only to the two of them, three raccoons, and a surprisingly judgmental pigeon. Since then, Josh has leveraged this knowledge to compel Nick’s participation in community theatre through a sophisticated system of blackmail, intimidation, and occasional passive-aggressive text messages.

But Josh doesn’t know the whole story. No one does.

If Nick could simply explain why he was wearing a tuxedo made entirely of expired coupons… why he was carrying a shovel, a trombone, and seventeen pounds of loose provolone cheese… why the alley was on fire… and why witnesses reported hearing someone repeatedly shout, “THE MOON DEMANDS TRIBUTE!” then perhaps his name could finally be cleared.

But what does it matter? You’ve already judged him. You sit there in your comfortable lawn chairs or on your picnic blankets, eager to consume yet another human tragedy for your own amusement. Nick’s suffering is merely pre-show entertainment to you.

Fine. Enjoy the show.

Anyway, Nick would like to thank his beautiful wife for her unwavering support, and his two equally beautiful daughters for sharing their dad with the Tecumseh Players.

Should anyone from the authorities be reading this program, Nick would like to remind everyone that allegations are not convictions, eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable, and the statute of limitations is shorter than most people think.

Thomas Buxton (Nox Donahue) - This is Thomas’ second year participating in the Tecumseh Player’s One Acts. He has previously been in “Kiddoodles", "Too Many Detectives in the Murder Mansion", and "I Quit" where he was able to work along side his wife and children to his delight, and their distain. He enjoys watching the talent that comes to and is built at these plays. When not spreading his soon to be award winning talent, he can be found out in his garden full of weeds, and tending to his chickens.

Piper Holtz (Brighton Lively) - Write your text here...

Xander Olney (Avery Crossman) - Write your text here...

Chloe Smith (Parker Milton) - Write your text here...

Sarah Buxton (Quinn Arden) - Write your text here...

Aiden Hernandez (Taylor) - Write your text here...

Josh Smith (Director) - This is Josh's second year directing for the Tecumseh Players "One Act Wednesday's" having directed last summer's "Too many Detectives at the Murder Mansion". Josh has been acting since kindergarten and has no plans to stop now. When not engaging in the thespian arts, Josh is happily a Husband, Father and Farmer (outside of his day job). Josh would like to thank his beautiful wife Erin and daughter Chloe for putting up with all the jokes HE thinks are funny (though he can tell they secretly love them)!